Last week I received notice of a writing contest, of sorts, being offered by Focus on the Family. They were calling for stories on the importance of a father in the home. There is nothing I would love more than to be able to write about the influence my father had on my brothers and me. But, there is nothing I can say. I didn't know him. I remember seeing him one time, and his lie to me of, "I'll be here when you get back," is probably the basis of many of my quirks.
This evening I was watching a Dec.16, 2008, rerun of NCIS entitled Silent Night in-which a father and daughter were reunited after seventeen years. A truly happy ending... I cry at happy endings as much as I cry during sad ones. But, it made me think once again of my dad and the pain of not having him in my life. Why? So very many questions that have been unanswered over the years, and the pain is still very, very real.
Wouldn't it be great if I were the only one to ever hurt because of an absentee father? I mean if I were the only one to have ever walked through life not knowing where her dad was day in and day out, wouldn't that be great? There are far too many of us out here; far too many women still longing to hear a father's voice encouraging them, feel his arms protecting them, and way, way too many young girls looking for this love in all the wrong places. Fathers are needed!!!
Some of the things a loving father in the home can give to his children are confidence, encouragement, pride, and a strong sense of belonging. Those of us on the other end of this spectrum feel rejected, unworthy, shameful, and have no sense of belonging. Add to this the impact of possible failed relationships due to this baggage, and you can have a lifetime of pain. I don't believe this is what fathers are wanting to do... Not years ago and not now.
The influence a father has on his children reaches far beyond the developmental years. It spans an entire lifetime...
My oldest brother went to live with an aunt and uncle when he was around fourteen, but prior to that he spent every weekend and summer with them. I hardly knew him, and did not see him again until he moved to Rio Hondo, after returning from his military service, when I was about fifteen. My older brother was sent to live with another family member about a year later. I was twelve when I saw him again. The pain they experienced can not be measured. Their insecurities and alcoholism caused them much grief.
My younger brother and I were raised, in part and briefly, by a step-father who grew more abusive toward my mother with each passing day. That nightmare ended when a doctor told my mother to get me out of that stressful relationship, or I would end up in the hospital. She left him and continued to raise us on her own. But, once again, my brother and I lost a father figure--albeit a dangerous one.
The influence of a father reaches far beyond childhood...
Being married to an abusive husband was not easy, but I did not want my children to grow up without a father. I did not want my daughters to go through life feeling they were less than perfect. Girls definitely need their dad!!!
When the divorce did occur, my two youngest sons were the ones most hurt. I was past feeling, but they still needed to know dad cared. The happiest scenario would have been them spending weekends and every other holiday with him, but they didn't...
One son left this world and went to the arms of a real loving Father and the youngest fell into the only comfort he could find... drugs. To be sure, the influence of a dad goes well into adulthood.
Friends, over the years, have told me to allow Christ to be my father, and I have, for the most part. But, I would be lying if I said I never feel the need to have a hug from a real human being. I know that most of us who grew up without a dad in our lives feel this way. I have forgiven my father, step-father, and ex, and I truly hope they found happiness; I could not hang on to the anger I felt. However, the pain of rejection and shame still haunts this old lady and causes me to want to shield the younger ones who are experiencing the same thing. The influence of a dad reaches ... and reaches...
If you are a father, whether in the home or out, please, please, find the time to hug your children close and SHOW them that you love them. Allow the influence of a dad to reach directly into the heart and give your children a strong sense of confidence, pride, and belonging. They will have no trouble believing they are also loved by a heavenly Father! The influence of a father is that important.
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