Yesterday, August 27, 2011, Chrystal and I left the Austin area on a trip that would allow us to say good-bye to her Uncle Jerry and my former brother-in-law turned friend. Jerry Thomas Haynes was the third son born to Fred and Elsie Haynes of Harlingen, TX. His early life, as my former husband's, was marked with tragedy and difficult times. Jerry was eight or nine when his father died and life became very, very difficult for his mother and her family of five young children. With five wild and rambunctious boys and a young, handicapped daughter, life would prove to be anything but easy for this feisty young mother...
I first became aware of Jerry when I was eighteen. I was dating his brother Claude at the time. Jerry liked working in the oil fields, so he wasn't around a lot. Claudette's first Christmas brought Uncle Jerry to our door Christmas eve. He had his arms loaded with gifts for "Baby Girl" and her parents. I do not remember what he brought for everyone else, but he had an armadillo purse for me. Oh yeah, it was a real armadillo! It was made from the outer "shell" and the head was attached to the flap that closed the purse. I know, I know, it sounds horrible, but I liked it and carried it for years. One cannot destroy the armor like shell of an armadillo. lol "Baby Girl" was petrified by it! She did not want it near her....
We later moved to Brownsville, and Jerry made a couple of visits while we lived there. Once, in particular, he came down on a Friday and he and Claude went out to play pool. I stayed home with Claudette and Jamie. I began to get concerned around midnight and took up a seat near the window so that I could keep an eye on the road and hope for their safe return. Sometime around one a.m. they truck slid into the drive and stopped immediately. The doors on both sides of the truck opened and both men tumbled out. Claude and Jerry were fighting. This was so foreign to me, I did not know what to do. I stood on the porch calling both their names and pleading for them to stop. Claude had a punch land on Jerry and Jerry fell. He was knocked out. Claude picked him up and carried him into the house and laid him on the sofa. He told me, "he'll sleep it off and be okay in the morning." What???? Is that all? We went on to bed, and I was worried all night. What would the morning bring? Once up, and after a trip to the rest room, Jerry came out looking rather sheepish and exclaimed, "I guess I had it coming." He was sporting the biggest black eye I have ever seen. That was it. Nothing else was ever said.
Jerry moved from the valley with his wife Anita in the late 60's and we saw little of him. But, when ever he did visit, we were all able to pick up and start where we had left off the last time we saw him. Eventually, Jerry became a master plumber and his work took him to Houston. He and his wife had one daughter, Michelle, and lost twin girls. Life became difficult for him. He drank more and his marriage fell apart due to lack of trying on both parts. But, his love for his brother and our family did not change.
We moved to Houston in '73, and we saw more of Jerry our first few years there. He eventually joined AA and stopped drinking. I visited the meetings with Jerry until his brother joined in'77. Jerry lived the AA experience. He made it his mission to help those who wanted help. Life was far from easy, but it was better.
After Claude and I separated, I saw little of Jerry but, when ever we met, he was always the same. We picked up where we had left off, and we were still family. My children loved their Uncle Jerry and he loved them. Love does not require a daily viewing. There may have been years between visits, but the relationships stayed intact.
Those at the memorial spoke of a man who would not put up with anything done half heartily; he did not want to hear anyone say the Lord's name in vain, and he always maintained that God did not have a last name. He always blessed his meals, and was always polite. He was a gentleman, but far from perfect. The Ivey brothers remembered the fun loving friend they grew up with and his mother, who was like their second momma. The Ivey and Haynes boys had a 'history'... lol
And, of course, everyone there had fishing tales to tell. Jerry was a fisherman... He loved to catch big reds! Next to the people he loved, fishing was his life. Are there fish in the Crystal Sea? His ashes will be scattered in Matagorda Bay.
We said good-bye to a gentle soul yesterday, but he is enjoying the fresh fields and golden streets of home, and I would be willing to bet that he, John, and Booger have already made their way to heaven's fishin' hole.
Via con Dios Jerry, until we meet again.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Why I Taught
I was working at a middle school, back in the 80s, as a teacher's aide, while I attended school to become a physician's assistant. I, truly, thought my great love was in medicine, and I wanted to be a part of that field. That is until some very unusual things occurred. Things I could not control, and things that changed my life forever.
One particular year, I was helping out on the first day of school, and I met this young man I will call Lupe. He was a cute, macho type kid, and I chose him to help me carry books back to the classroom from the book room. While walking in the hall' I asked him the usual questions: "Do you like school? Do you make good grades? What do you want to do with your life?" He told me a little of his family and what he liked to do and said he did not like school and NO he did not make good grades. I mentioned that he looked like an A student to me, and he laughed, "Not me ma'am; I never make all A's." My reply, of course, was but you could. I asked him to please try, and I got a reluctant, "I'll try."
That first six weeks, I reminded Lupe of his need to do well and he really tried. All of the class papers were kept in folders in the classroom, and I saw that none of his grades fell below 90. I was so proud of him and his willingness to try. As the grading period came to an end, I averaged the grades for the teacher, and Lupe had a 96. Way to go Lupe! I gave the teacher the grade book and she took it to look over. When I got
it back to put the grades on the report cards, I noticed that Lupe's grade had been changed to an 86. WHAT?
I questioned the teacher and she said, "You don't understand. He's an (last name), and they do not make A's." I felt like I had been hit in the gut... When I handed out the report cards, I apologized and he just hung his head and said, "Don't worry about it. I told you I never make A's."
He continued to do well in that class and, of course, he never took home the grade he actually made. My heart broke for him! Why was this happening?
During that same year I witnessed a young man being picked on by some of "the school's finest." When the young man I will call Felix hit back, several teacher's jumped into the frey and took all the boys to the office. I went to the defense of Felix and was told that in reality he had started the fight. I knew better. Felix was expelled for a few days for fighting, but nothing happened to the real perpetrators. WHY?
I decided at the end of that year that I would get my degree to teach. I told John of my decision, and he said, "Go for it Mom. You can do it." I knew students in my classroom would not be mistreated. Students in my classroom would be safe.
The next few years were really rough. John went home to be with the Lord my first year in college; I worked full time and went to school at night, and my husband began to exhibit signs of leaving, However, God was with me, and I finished classes in less than four years and began my career as a high school English teacher. I loved it! I learned so much from my students and they kept me on my toes. Life was good. Thank you to all who filled a desk in my classroom. You gave this teacher more happiness than you could possibly imagine.
What of Lupe and Felix you might ask? Lupe dropped out of school at the end of his freshman year and was later killed in Harlingen, and Felix left Texas at the end of that horrific year. Life for them was not good... To them, I owe my life as a teacher. Thank you Lord for putting them in my path.
One particular year, I was helping out on the first day of school, and I met this young man I will call Lupe. He was a cute, macho type kid, and I chose him to help me carry books back to the classroom from the book room. While walking in the hall' I asked him the usual questions: "Do you like school? Do you make good grades? What do you want to do with your life?" He told me a little of his family and what he liked to do and said he did not like school and NO he did not make good grades. I mentioned that he looked like an A student to me, and he laughed, "Not me ma'am; I never make all A's." My reply, of course, was but you could. I asked him to please try, and I got a reluctant, "I'll try."
That first six weeks, I reminded Lupe of his need to do well and he really tried. All of the class papers were kept in folders in the classroom, and I saw that none of his grades fell below 90. I was so proud of him and his willingness to try. As the grading period came to an end, I averaged the grades for the teacher, and Lupe had a 96. Way to go Lupe! I gave the teacher the grade book and she took it to look over. When I got
it back to put the grades on the report cards, I noticed that Lupe's grade had been changed to an 86. WHAT?
I questioned the teacher and she said, "You don't understand. He's an (last name), and they do not make A's." I felt like I had been hit in the gut... When I handed out the report cards, I apologized and he just hung his head and said, "Don't worry about it. I told you I never make A's."
He continued to do well in that class and, of course, he never took home the grade he actually made. My heart broke for him! Why was this happening?
During that same year I witnessed a young man being picked on by some of "the school's finest." When the young man I will call Felix hit back, several teacher's jumped into the frey and took all the boys to the office. I went to the defense of Felix and was told that in reality he had started the fight. I knew better. Felix was expelled for a few days for fighting, but nothing happened to the real perpetrators. WHY?
I decided at the end of that year that I would get my degree to teach. I told John of my decision, and he said, "Go for it Mom. You can do it." I knew students in my classroom would not be mistreated. Students in my classroom would be safe.
The next few years were really rough. John went home to be with the Lord my first year in college; I worked full time and went to school at night, and my husband began to exhibit signs of leaving, However, God was with me, and I finished classes in less than four years and began my career as a high school English teacher. I loved it! I learned so much from my students and they kept me on my toes. Life was good. Thank you to all who filled a desk in my classroom. You gave this teacher more happiness than you could possibly imagine.
What of Lupe and Felix you might ask? Lupe dropped out of school at the end of his freshman year and was later killed in Harlingen, and Felix left Texas at the end of that horrific year. Life for them was not good... To them, I owe my life as a teacher. Thank you Lord for putting them in my path.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Captain America
Wednesday of last week I took my grandson Kyle to see the movie Captain America--in 3D, no less. I was hoping to score points with him and make him feel a little more comfortable with grandma. As it turned out, he scored points with me!
I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and felt a renewed pride for my country. I remembered sitting in movie theaters as a kid and watching as the good guys won and we, Americans, came out ahead. It had been a long time since I had been able to experience this in a movie, and I had the added pleasure of enjoying it with Kyle.
I loved the way the little guy was escalated to a prominent position because he had a heart for doing the right thing. Doing the right thing doesn't seem to be what most people employ during this time in American History, so it was a breath of fresh air for this grandmother.
I am not into action movies, so the blowing up of things, shooting objects, and throwing shields left me ducking a lot: 3D, remember! Kyle took it all in stride! Once the good guys had won and the movie was over, I asked Kyle if he were ready to leave. To my surprise, he said, "Well, sometimes, after all this stuff is over, they show another part from the movie." So, we stayed. At the end of all that stuff (credits), we were able to see a small portion of another Avenger movie. I had learned something new, and Kyle was able to go home to his friends with some added information: valuable stuff to a ten year old!
I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and felt a renewed pride for my country. I remembered sitting in movie theaters as a kid and watching as the good guys won and we, Americans, came out ahead. It had been a long time since I had been able to experience this in a movie, and I had the added pleasure of enjoying it with Kyle.
I loved the way the little guy was escalated to a prominent position because he had a heart for doing the right thing. Doing the right thing doesn't seem to be what most people employ during this time in American History, so it was a breath of fresh air for this grandmother.
I am not into action movies, so the blowing up of things, shooting objects, and throwing shields left me ducking a lot: 3D, remember! Kyle took it all in stride! Once the good guys had won and the movie was over, I asked Kyle if he were ready to leave. To my surprise, he said, "Well, sometimes, after all this stuff is over, they show another part from the movie." So, we stayed. At the end of all that stuff (credits), we were able to see a small portion of another Avenger movie. I had learned something new, and Kyle was able to go home to his friends with some added information: valuable stuff to a ten year old!
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